Dealing with Flakiness in Dating

Dating can be hard enough without people constantly cancelling plans and flaking out. It seems like this type of unreliable behavior has become more and more common, especially with online dating and apps like Tinder. I wanted to get to the bottom of if flaky dating behavior really is the new norm, and what we can do about it.

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What is Flaky Dating Behavior?

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Flaky dating behavior refers to people who are unreliable when making and keeping plans. This includes:

• Cancelling dates at the last minute
• Being late or completely standing up dates
• Saying they will call/text but never do
• Rescheduling repeatedly

Basically - making plans and commitments but failing to reliably follow through.

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Is Flakiness Actually More Common Now?

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Based on responses in dating forums, it does seem that flakiness has risen over the past 10-20 years. People cite factors like:

• More online dating options make people disposable
• Social media damages attention spans
• Entitlement culture of “me first”
• Lack of manners and respect for others’ time

However, some argue flakiness has always existed and we just see more examples now because of internet complaints.

While the degree may be debatable, it does appear at minimum that complaining about flakes has risen. This suggests the behavior is increasingly frustrating for daters.

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Why Do People Flake on Dates?

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There are a few key reasons people give for flaking:

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They Aren’t That Interested

Flakes often bail because you aren’t a priority. They have lukewarm interest and will ditch you if something “better” comes up.

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Avoiding Rejection

Some flakes are avoiding directly turning you down. They feel ghosting or bailing last minute is easier than saying “I’m not into you.”

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Genuine Issues

Some cancellations are legitimate emergencies. Though repeated last minute excuses become questionable.

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Immaturity

Many people view flakes as too immature to respectfully turn down dates or manage their schedule.

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Why Flakiness is So Frustrating

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Being left hanging repeatedly can really mess with your self-esteem. Common frustrations include:

• Feeling undesirable or unimportant
• Wasting time getting ready for nothing
• Resenting disrespect for your time
• Self-doubt about if you did something wrong

Daters say it leaves them feeling insecure, angry and cynical about modern dating.

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Tips to Handle Flaky Daters

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While we can’t control others, we can control how we respond. Here are tips to handle flakes gracefully:

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Don’t Take it Personally

As hard as it is, recognize their behavior reflects on them - not you. There are many possible reasons, so don’t assume you were rejected.

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Have a Back-up Plan

Always have a Plan B in case of cancellations. Treat yourself to dinner or fun activity so the night isn’t wasted.

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Enforce Boundaries

Don’t accept disrespectful behavior. After 1-2 flakes with no legitimate excuses, move on.

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Focus on Reliable Matches

Rather than chasing flakes, give your time and energy to matches who respect you.

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My New Rule: 2 Flakes and You’re Out

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While I try to give the benefit of the doubt, more than one last minute cancellation tells me this person isn’t worth my time and energy.

One flake could be an honest mistake. But two displays a pattern of disrespect. My policy moving forward is two strikes and you’re out. No more wasting nights waiting around for someone who probably isn’t coming.

There are considerate people worth dating who value my time. I’d rather spend energy on them, not chasing flakes or trying to change inconsiderate behavior.

If you relate to constant frustrating cancellations, try implementing a “2 Flakes Rule”. Rather than blaming yourself, recognize it's their issue and you deserve better treatment. Be willing to walk away when someone doesn’t value your time.

While flakes will always exist, we can control our reactions. By enforcing boundaries and focusing energy on reliable prospects, we can avoid feeling hurt and resentful. Don’t accept disrespect - know your worth and only invest in people who make you a priority. The right connections make dating worthwhile.

Source: Reddit