Dating After Divorce: 15 Tips to Get Back Out There

Going through a divorce can be one of the most emotionally trying times in a person's life. You’ve just gone through the painful process of separating from your spouse, dividing up your lives and assets, and adjusting to a massive change in your day-to-day routine.

The thought of getting back out into the dating world can seem daunting. Where do you even start? How do you know when you're ready? Will it be weird?

The good news is, with the right mindset and preparation, dating after divorce can also be an exciting time of rediscovery. Here are 15 tips to help you dip your toes back into dating and start moving forward with your life:

1. Get Clear On What You Want

Before downloading any dating apps or saying yes to set-ups, get very clear in your own mind about what you want and don’t want in a potential partner. Are you looking for something casual and fun or a more serious relationship? Do you have dealbreakers related to age, religion, politics, or preexisting children? Knowing your non-negotiables ahead of time will help filter prospects.

2. Work Through Any Baggage

If you’re still working through hurt or resentment from your divorce, take time to further heal before bringing someone new into your life. Therapy or support groups can help you process these emotions so you don’t unintentionally project baggage onto new dates. You want to start fresh in the dating pool.

3. Update Your Look

Maybe it’s finally time to go for that new hairstyle you’ve been wanting but your ex wasn’t a fan of. Buy some new date night outfits that reflect your style and make you feel confident. Updating your look can help boost self-esteem as you get back out there.

4. Get Comfortable Doing Things Solo

Before jumping back into dating, get comfortable doing activities like going to dinner, movies, or events by yourself. Enjoy spending time solo and being your own companion. This will take the pressure off dating and help you go into it from a place of wanting rather than needing a partner.

5. Expand Your Social Circles

Meeting new people will expand your dating pool. Say yes to invitations, join a class or hobby group, volunteer for a cause that’s important to you, or reconnect with old friends. Making new social connections is fulfilling in and of itself, and you never know who you might meet along the way.

6. Start Slowly with Low-Pressure Dates

For early dates after divorce, keep things low-key to take off some of the pressure. Meet for coffee or a walk in the park. See if you enjoy each other’s company without the expectations of dinner and drinks at a fancy restaurant. Give yourself time to warm up to dating again.

7. Be Up Front About Your Divorce

Once you start dating, be open about the fact that you’ve been divorced. This is likely to come up anyway, so addressing it head-on and early prevents awkwardness. Most dates will be understanding as divorce is common these days. Of course, share details as you get to know someone better.

8. Don’t Badmouth Your Ex

It can be tempting to vent about your ex on dates, but don’t make them a frequent topic of conversation. Speaking poorly about them will just come across bitter and resentful. Keep first dates positive and focused on getting to know each other in the present.

9. Don’t Compare Dates to Your Ex

Along the same lines, avoid comparing new dates to your former spouse. You both will be starting with a clean slate, so it’s unfair to hold them to the standards of your past relationship. Keep an open mind and give your date a real chance.

10. Take the Initiative and Follow Up

In today’s dating culture, there are no hard rules about who reaches out first after a date. Don’t play games. If you’re interested, take the initiative to follow up for a second date. Be politely persistent if you really liked someone—a lack of response may not mean disinterest.

11. Know Your Dealbreakers and Red Flags

Along with knowing what you want in a partner, get very clear on your dealbreakers and red flags. If a date exhibits warning signs like anger issues, controlling behavior, or shares wildly different values from you, don’t ignore these just because you feel lonely or want companionship. Pay attention to any bad gut feelings.

12. Don’t Take Rejection Personally

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Remember, it’s a number’s game. Dating inherently involves rejection, and sometimes it has nothing to do with you. If someone isn’t interested after a few dates, brush it off and move forward. Not every date will be a match no matter how great they seem on paper.

13. Date Multiple People Initially

Rather than putting all your energy into one person you just started seeing, consider dating multiple people at once in the beginning. This keeps you from over-investing too soon and gives you perspective. You want to see who’s truly compatible.

14. Take Things Slow Physically

It’s important not to jump into physical intimacy too quickly post-divorce. Give yourself time to really get to know someone first. Rushing into sex or moving in together can derail a budding relationship. Go at a pace you're comfortable with.

15. Don’t Neglect the Rest of Your Life

While diving back into dating, be sure to maintain balance in other areas that bring you joy—your friendships, career, hobbies, health, etc. Don’t let dating consume your entire life. Pursuing personal fulfillment makes you a happier and more attractive partner.

Enjoy the Experience

Most importantly, have fun with it! Dating should feel exciting. Let go of any negative emotions around your divorce, and see this as an opportunity to meet new people, have new experiences, and rediscover yourself. Stay positive and keep an open heart and mind.

Dating after divorce can require some adjustment, but can also be an exciting chance to embark on a new chapter of your life. Keep your standards high, but don’t let past hurts deter you from putting yourself out there. With resilience, patience, and optimism, you’ll find dating success again.

Source: Reddit