Salary Discussions on Dates: To Share or Not to Share?

Going on first dates can be nerve-wracking. You’re trying to put your best foot forward and make a good first impression. The last thing you want is an awkward moment when your date asks a super personal question like “How much money do you make?” Here's my take on navigating those uncomfortable salary questions when you're just starting to date someone.

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It Happened To Me

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I recently decided to get back into dating after focusing on my career for many years. I went on a few first dates and it was definitely a learning experience! On three separate occasions, my date asked me about my salary - and it was within the first three dates every time.

The first woman was very direct, asking me outright what my average annual income was. The second tried to ease into it by joking she wanted to see if I could keep up with her shoe addiction. And the third framed it as wanting to make sure I was financially stable and responsible.

While I don't have a problem sharing finances with a long-term partner, bringing up my salary so early on felt odd and intrusive. I wasn't sure how to respond gracefully without killing the vibe.

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Why Do They Ask?

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There seems to be several possible motivations behind asking this loaded question:

• Curiosity - If you mention your job, they may genuinely wonder what the pay is like. This is understandable if it's an interesting or uncommon career.
• Weeding Out - They want to confirm you meet a certain income threshold before investing time in dating. This could be a yellow/red flag.
• Provider Potential - They hope you make good money and can provide financial security. Big red flag for gold diggers!
• Conversation Starter - It can be an awkward icebreaker topic if you're struggling to connect. Still, there are better options to pick from!
• Compatibility - For more serious relationships, aligned financial habits are important. But too soon for date three!

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How To Handle It Gracefully

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If you get the dreaded salary question on an early date, here are some tips to handle it smoothly:

• Lightheartedly joke about it being personal, then redirect the conversation to another topic entirely. Don't lie, but deflect.
• Give a vague range that indicates financial stability without specifics. "I do alright and make a comfortable living" does the trick.
• If they seem genuine and it's early days, share your role but not the exact figure. Then ask them about their own career and if they enjoy it.
• For real gold diggers, don't be afraid to let them go! You deserve someone who cares about you, not your wallet.
• If it gets pushy, politely decline providing details and say you'd prefer to discuss other more interesting things about each other for now.
• As a last resort, go ahead and share a rough estimate if you get the sense it's important to them for dating purposes. But no need for an exact dollar amount.

The key is staying composed and steering the conversation to more substantive topics. If they can't take the hint and keep harping on salary, it's probably time to end the date graciously. Not everyone views money the same way when dating, so it's about deciding what you're comfortable sharing early on.

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The Takeaway

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Talking about money is inevitable in any serious relationship. But during initial dating, the focus should be on building a genuine connection. If someone fixates on your income from the get-go, they likely have the wrong priorities.

Don't feel pressured to disclose your salary before you're ready. The right person will respect your boundaries and want to date you for you, not your paycheck. Good luck out there!

Source: Reddit